


The Squad

by draconicPeacekeeper



Series: the group memo from hell (we've actually been there, can confrim) [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Group Memo, Group chat, M/M, Oneshot, Other, me trying to squeeze twenty characters in a oneshot, oh right, whats going on in this fanfic anyways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2019-01-01 02:27:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12146652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/draconicPeacekeeper/pseuds/draconicPeacekeeper
Summary: -- anti-batterwitchsupporter blocked everybody from chat your friendly neighborhood palhanchos! ---- anti-batterwitchsupporter created chat hey everybody, if you don’t kill each other it will prove vriska wrong! --





	The Squad

 

**anti-batterwitchsupporter:** hey, we should all start a group chat together.

**awesome mc possum sauce:** john no

**anti-batterwitchsupporter:** john yes

**hotchocaletymilk:** Are you trying to get everybody killed?

**EmotionsAreMyAesthetic:** Nomoby’s gonna krill eac)( ot)(er! Stop being so over clamatic.

**hotchocaletymilk:** Oh pleeeeeeeease! You know how these losers are! Why wouldn’t they kill each other?

**THEKATINTHEHAT:** BECAUSE THEY KNOW THAT IF THEY SO MUCH AS TOUCH ONE ANOTHER, I WILL OBLITERATE THEM IN THE GLORIOUSLY VIOLENT MANNER WHICH THEY DESERVE.

**hewwo from the other side:** wwhelp there goes my plans for the day

**awesome mc possum sauce:** dude

**EmotionsAreMyAesthetic:** -ERIDAN!

**THEKATINTHEHAT:** DON’T YOU DARE.

**hewwo from the other side:** wwhat i wwas kiddin

**hewwo from the other side:** i think

**THEKATINTHEHAT:** REMIND ME WHY WE’RE FRIENDS AGAIN?

**anti-batterwitchsupporter:** oh bluh, everybody shut up!

**anti-batterwitchsupporter:** i have to make this stupid memo!

 

 **\--** **anti-batterwitchsupporter** blocked everybody from chat **your friendly neighborhood palhanchos!** **\--**

 

 **\--** **anti-batterwitchsupporter** created chat **hey everybody, if you don’t kill each other it will prove vriska wrong!** **\--**

 

 **\--** **anti-batterwitchsupporter** invited **OneTimeIAteCthulu** to chat! **\--**

 **\--** **anti-batterwitchsupporter** invited **awesome mc possum** **sauce** to chat! **\--**

 **\--** **anti-batterwitchsupporter** invited **yiff yiff** to chat! **\--**

 **\--** **anti-batterwitchsupporter** invited **The cake is a lie** to chat! **\--**

 **\--** **anti-batterwitchsupporter** invited **rox ur sox off** to chat! **\--**

 **\--** **anti-batterwitchsupporter** invited **Henlo it the orange man** to chat! **\--**

 **\--** **anti-batterwitchsupporter** invited **Honey, where are my pants?** to chat! **\--**

 **\--** **anti-batterwitchsupporter** invited **same hat!!!!** to chat! **\--**

 **\--** **anti-batterwitchsupporter** invited **#1 Pupa Pan Fanboy** to chat! **\--**

 **\--** **anti-batterwitchsupporter** invited **twoplustwoequalstwentytwo** to chat! **\--**

 **\--** **anti-batterwitchsupporter** invited **you know like nya** to chat! **\--**

 **\--** **anti-batterwitchsupporter** invited **MomFriendTM** **to chat! --**

 **\--** **anti-batterwitchsupporter** invited **BardWagonImAGuardDragon** to chat! **\--**

 **\--** **anti-batterwitchsupporter** invited **hotchocaletymilk** to chat! **\--**

 **\--** **anti-batterwitchsupporter** invited **Neigh neigh motherheckers** to chat! **\--**

 **\--** **anti-batterwitchsupporter** invited **sPoNgEbObSqUaRePaNtSmEmE** to chat! **\--**

 **\--** **anti-batterwitchsupporter** invited **hewwo from the other side** to chat! **\--**

 **\--** **anti-batterwitchsupporter** invited **EmotionsAreMyAesthetic** to chat! **\--**

 

**anti-batterwitchsupporter:** you guys have the weirdest usernames.

**hewwo from the other side:** i knoww right

**Honey, where are my pants?** : Er, actually lad I believe he was referring to your username as well.

**hewwo from the other side:** wait wwhats wwrong wwith my username

**BardWagonImAGuardDragon:** TH3 F4CT TH4T YOU N33D TO 4SK TH4T 1S D3PR3SS1NG

**awesome mc possum sauce:** hey wait

**awesome mc possum sauce:** arent you forgetting somebody

**awesome mc possum sauce:** a certain vehicle kitten something or other

**awesome mc possum sauce:** beep beep meow

**anti-batterwitchsupporter:** ack, that’s right! i can’t believe i forgot karkat!

**anti-batterwitchsupporter:** how’d you remember him anyways?

**awesome mc possum sauce:** gasp

**awesome mc possum sauce:** john are you suggesting that id forget karkat

**awesome mc possum sauce:** are you saying you think id forget my soulmate

**awesome mc possum sauce:** oh hold on lemme look up synonyms for soulmate

**awesome mc possum sauce:** my partner my lover my confidante

**awesome mc possum sauce:** my suitor my sweetheart my beau my beloved my darling my dearest my paramour my valentine

**awesome mc possum sauce:** the juliet to my romeo the ariel to my eric the hermione to my ron the rose to my jack

**awesome mc possum sauce:** ow god

**awesome mc possum sauce:** karkat just punched me in the face

**anti-batterwitchsupporter:** wait, you’re hanging out with karkat…

**anti-batterwitchsupporter:** without me? dude!

**awesome mc possum sauce:** um yeah duh its movie night

**awesome mc possum sauce:** hold on i think i have some pictures

**Neigh neigh motherheckers:** D→ I don’t believe that will be necessary

 

 **\--** **awesome mc possum sauce** attached file **aint_my_file_naming_skills_so_lit.png** **\--**

 

**Neigh neigh motherheckers:** D→ Oh dear

**The cake is a lie:** That’s quite the interesting file name, Strider Junior!

**awesome mc possum sauce:** thanks also dont call me strider junior

**awesome mc possum sauce:** so anyway thats a picture of karkat

**awesome mc possum sauce:** its from today obviously

**awesome mc possum sauce:** hold on i think i might have taken a few more pictures

 

 **\--** **awesome mc possum sauce** attached **5** files **\--**

 

**awesome mc possum sauce:** as you can see weve been watching nothing but romcoms for the past hour or so

**awesome mc possum sauce:** im p sure this is what hell feels like but w/e

**awesome mc possum sauce:** there are also some kicking sbahj comics in there so i guess you guys are welcome for that

**awesome mc possum sauce:** and theres some more karkat pictures so thats cool

**awesome mc possum sauce:** aww look at that last one its adorable

**awesome mc possum sauce:** hes crushing my lap with his stupidly heavy head as his automobile grimalkin brethren did before him

**awesome mc possum sauce:** hes so cute i kind of want to pet him

**awesome mc possum sauce:** hey guys do you think i should pet him

**awesome mc possum sauce:** im gonna pet him

**awesome mc possum sauce:** oh ow ow ow ow ow ow

**awesome mc possum sauce:** he bit my hand

**awesome mc possum sauce:** still worth it

**rox ur sox off:** omg

 

 **\--** **rox ur sox off** changed chat name to **davey is v gay** **\--**

 

**awesome mc possum sauce:** lies and slander i cant believe you would do this to me

**awesome mc possum sauce:** also im not gay im bi

**awesome mc possum sauce:** everyone knows this rox

**rox ur sox off:** true true

 

 **\--** **rox ur sox off** changed chat name to **davey is v gay for karkat** **\--**

 

**awesome mc possum sauce:** everybody in my family exists for the sole purpose of tormenting me why is this

**yiff yiff:** okay well thats nice and all but we should probably invite karkat to the chat before he throws one of his tantrums!

 

 **\--** **yiff yiff** invited **THEKATINTHEHAT** to chat! **\--**

 

**THEKATINTHEHAT:** WHAT’S UP WITH THAT CHAT NAME, ANYWAYS?

**anti-batterwitchsupporter:** well you see

 

 **\--** **awesome mc possum sauce** banned **anti-batterwitchsupporter** from chat **\--**

 

**OneTimeIAteCthulu:** It’s a simple manner of Dave’s undeniable crush on you.

 

 **\--** **awesome mc possum sauce** banned **OneTimeIAteCthulu** from chat **\--**

 

**twoplustwoequalstwentytwo:** iit2 cau2e he thiink2 youre hot, kk.

 

 **\--** **awesome mc possum sauce** banned **twoplustwoequalstwentytwo** from chat **\--**

 

**awesome mc possum sauce:** oh whoops my finger appears to have slipped

**awesome mc possum sauce:** silly me

**THEKATINTHEHAT:** DAVE!

 

 **\--** **THEKATINTHEHAT** unbanned **anti-batterwitchsupporter** from chat **\--**

 **\--** **THEKATINTHEHAT** unbanned **OneTimeIAteCthulu** **from** chat **\--**

 **\--** **THEKATINTHEHAT** unbanned **twoplustwoequalstwentytwo** from chat **\--**

 

**awesome mc possum sauce:** well its not like you can blame me

**THEKATINTHEHAT:** I CAN TOTALLY BLAME YOU. JUST BECAUSE OUR FRIENDS ARE A BUNCH OF MORONS WITH THEIR HEADS STUCK SO DEEP INTO THE MOST DISGUSTING PLACES POSSIBLE THAT THEY CAN’T SEE THEIR OWN LACK OF TALENT IN MATCHMAKING, DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO IMMEDIATELY BAN THEM.

**THEKATINTHEHAT:** WHAT, ARE YOU TOO SENSITIVE TO HANDLE A BIT OF TEASING?

**awesome mc possum sauce:** teasing

**awesome mc possum sauce:** oh uh yeah teasing

**awesome mc possum sauce:** i cant believe you of all people are calling me sensitive

**awesome mc possum sauce:** maybe you should look in the mirror at that cute little face of yours cause its got hypocrite written all over it

**THEKATINTHEHAT:** WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS? WHY AM I OKAY WITH YOU BEING LIKE THIS? WHY IS EVERYONE OKAY WITH YOU BEING THIS WAY? WHY?

**awesome mc possum sauce:** aw cmon karkat you know you love me

**Henlo it the orange man:** Jake, was I like this when I had a crush on you?

**Honey, where are my pants?:** Yes.

**Henlo it the orange man:** Jesus Christ.

**rox ur sox off:** ikr

**same hat!!!!:** so hey, what are you guys planning to be for halloween?

**awesome mc possum sauce:** seriously

**awesome mc possum sauce:** how is that relevant to anything ever

**BardWagonImAGuardDragon:** D4V3 DON’T B3 RUD3

**awesome mc possum sauce:** ugh fine

**awesome mc possum sauce:** so i was planning on going as one of those cool sheet ghosts

**#1 Pupa Pan Fanboy:** aCTUALLY, i THINK YOU’LL FIND THAT SHEET GHOSTS ARE NOT VERY COOL, AT ALL,

**#1 Pupa Pan Fanboy:** tHEY’RE PRETTY LAME, TO BE HONEST,

**awesome mc possum sauce:** hey man dont diss the sheet ghosts

**awesome mc possum sauce:** what about you karkat

**THEKATINTHEHAT:** WHAT ABOUT ME?

**awesome mc possum sauce:** what sweet costume are you planning

**THEKATINTHEHAT:** I DON’T ACTUALLY KNOW. I WASN’T REALLY PLANNING ON GOING ANYWHERE, REALLY.

**THEKATINTHEHAT:** BESIDES, WHAT COULD I POSSIBLY GO AS?

**MomFriendTM:** A Person With Actual Taste In Clothes

**hewwo from the other side:** ahahahahahahaha

**THEKATINTHEHAT:** ):B

**awesome mc possum sauce:** wow get wrecked

**BardWagonImAGuardDragon:** TH4T’S COLD, K4N4Y4

**BardWagonImAGuardDragon:** 1 4PPROV3! >:)

**awesome mc possum sauce:** i mean shes not wrong

**awesome mc possum sauce:** ow

**awesome mc possum sauce:** karkat just punched me again

**THEKATINTHEHAT:** IF YOU WERE ANYBODY ELSE, I WOULD’VE PROBABLY JUST LIGHTLY SLAPPED YOU.

**awesome mc possum sauce:** aw im special

**THEKATINTHEHAT:** THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TAKE FROM THAT.

**hewwo from the other side:** hey wwhere is evverybody anywways

**anti-batterwitchsupporter:** oh yeah! i thought this chat would be immediately blowing up but theres only a few people here. what happened???

 

 **\--** **sPoNgEbObSqUaRePaNtSmEmE** changed name to **lost in the void** **\--**

 **\--** **yiff yiff** changed name to **dead** **\--**

 **\--** **twoplustwoequalstwentytwo** changed name to **has become a cryptid** **\--**

 **\--** **OneTimeIAteCthulu** changed name to **Is** **currently merging self with an octopus** **\--**

 **\--** **Henlo it the orange man** changed name to **Becoming the magical girl he was always meant to be** **\--**

 **\--** **you know like nya** changed name to **got sucked into jumanji and is pawssbily gonna die** **\--**

 **\--** **Neigh neigh motherheckers** changed name to **D→ Nepeta am I doing this correctly** **\--**

 **\--** **got sucked into jumanji and is pawssibly gonna die** changed name to **oh my god you dork mew dont need to use your quirk in your nickname!** **\--**

 **\--** **same hat!!!!** changed name to **hey guys what’s going on in this thread?** **\--**

 **\--** **awesome mc possum sauce** changed name to **oh cool are we talking in the nicknames now or what** **\--**

 **\--** **The cake is a lie** changed name to **It appears so!** **\--**

 **\--** **hotchocaletymilk** changed name to **You guys are so weird ::::/** **\--**

 **\--** **hewwo from the other side** changed name to **oh hey vvris i thought you wwere dead** **\--**

 **\--** **BardWagonImAGuardDragon** changed name to **she is, I killed her in laser tag** **\--**

 **\--** **You guys are so weird ::::/** changed name to **You did not!!!!!!!!** **\--**

 **\--** **anti-batterwitchsupporter** changed name to **you guys talk too much! i might just close the chat** **\--**

 **\--** **dead** changed name to **yeah okay that’s fair.** **\--**


End file.
